As I come running up to a month for being single, its actually getting better.
People
that I have seen me and that I have told always say the same thing
"Well, you're taking all of it rather well." I think about that
statement now and think about it. It wouldn't have done me any good to
fly off the handle, destroy his things, and just walk away. Of course,
it probably would have made me feel a hell of a lot better :) .... but
in the end, it would have only been for a brief moment and then it
would have been over and I would still be in the same boat as to where
I am.
I have never been the one to be crazy when it comes to
break ups. They happen and things go on. You have to go on ... yes I
had my "week" of being depressed and when I moved back into mom and
dads, I was still upset but I know that I had to pick myself up and go
on with life. I try not to think about it, but I can't help it when my
mind wanders.
I know the people who have heard the whole
story, hate him, and there is a part of me that wants too, but I can't.
I don't think I ever will. He was the best man that I was ever with,
that had ever came into my life. He did a shitty thing because he
didn't want to be with me anymore. He had someone else in mind and was
never fully committed to me in the first place, and for that ... I hate
him. Everything else -- the good, the bad, and the ugly, I still love
him and I know I will for months to come until the pain all goes away.
But,
the steps I take forward to reach that goal are moving ahead and the
steps back from it are getting shorter so I know that I'll be fine.
I
have to say again Thank You to everyone who has been my shoulders and
ears through all of this and who have given me words of advice. I never
thought this would ever happen to me again, but I know that if it does
.... I don't have to go through this alone.
XOXO To all :)
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