brokenhearted's Datingish

Getting Better

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:06:03 GMT

As I come running up to a month for being single, its actually getting better.

People that I have seen me and that I have told always say the same thing "Well, you're taking all of it rather well." I think about that statement now and think about it. It wouldn't have done me any good to fly off the handle, destroy his things, and just walk away. Of course, it probably would have made me feel a hell of a lot better :) .... but in the end, it would have only been for a brief moment and then it would have been over and I would still be in the same boat as to where I am.

I have never been the one to be crazy when it comes to break ups. They happen and things go on. You have to go on ... yes I had my "week" of being depressed and when I moved back into mom and dads, I was still upset but I know that I had to pick myself up and go on with life. I try not to think about it, but I can't help it when my mind wanders.

I know the people who have heard the whole story, hate him, and there is a part of me that wants too, but I can't. I don't think I ever will. He was the best man that I was ever with, that had ever came into my life. He did a shitty thing because he didn't want to be with me anymore. He had someone else in mind and was never fully committed to me in the first place, and for that ... I hate him. Everything else -- the good, the bad, and the ugly, I still love him and I know I will for months to come until the pain all goes away.

But, the steps I take forward to reach that goal are moving ahead and the steps back from it are getting shorter so I know that I'll be fine.

I have to say again Thank You to everyone who has been my shoulders and ears through all of this and who have given me words of advice. I never thought this would ever happen to me again, but I know that if it does .... I don't have to go through this alone.

XOXO To all :)

The final goodbye

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:25:24 GMT

Ex,

There is nothing more that I can say to you than good bye. There is so much that I want to tell you but I know it will fall on deaf ears. You can tell me all you want that you “never meant to hurt me” but I find it hard to believe. You wouldn’t have let me uproot my life FOR YOU, if there wasn’t going to be something like this. I thought for sure if we ever came to bumps in the road, that we would have truly gotten through them and moved on. I didn’t think you would have cowarded out on me and just given up. I do truly believe you cheated on me ... you commented on her pic when we were still together and then I saw an updated picture of your penis when we were still together. You also talk to her on MY phone line while we were still together. I don't want to know but I can only imagine what else you did while we were together.

Though I can not make anyone love me, want to be with me, or otherwise … I just wish you would have come out in the beginning and put it all on the table instead of just not saying anything and making it 10 times worse. I convinced myself that we would get back together, because you left that open ended. You could probably give to shits about me now … you are with who you have always wanted to be with and living a very happy life so you probably won’t even read this, but I have to say this in order to heal myself.

-    Goodbye to the man I thought I was supposed to marry
-    Goodbye to the love of my life
-    Goodbye to the piece of me that you took when you broke my heart
-    Goodbye to everything I thought you were
-    Goodbye to the man I fell in love with – not who you are now
-    Goodbye to our friendship I thought we had
-    Goodbye to the thoughts I will no longer have of you
-    Goodbye to the words I will no longer speak of you
-    Goodbye to the tears I will no longer cry for you

These will be my final words to you. I can not have a friendship with you as to I
can not live with knowing what happen to us and act like its nothing. Maybe one day, one day, my heart will let you in again, but right now … its cold, black, and full of hate for you, for your actions, and for your choices.

    You were once my white knight, but now you are the grim reaper.

I wish you well with everything … life, work, and love.

This is my final goodbye.

Goodbye,

Bethany

Why won't these feelings go away?

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:31:28 GMT

I don't know why these feelings won't go away.
It's like my heart wants to hold on.
I know that I will never be with that <p>man</p> again.
But I can't help feeling this way.

I know I am holding on to what he WAS, not what he is now.
I know I am holding on to the love that he showed me....
....all the happy and good times.

But I need to let go but I don't know how.
Thinking about the past .... taking steps back.
I'll take that one step forward and take about 10 back.

I know things will get better in time, but I want all this pain gone now.
3 weeks and I am still holding on.... why??
He doesn't want to be with me .... he doesn't love me .... I'm not what he is looking for.

*sigh*

Nope... I am far from crazy

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 03:22:41 GMT

The rat (*&$(& was cheating on me!!

*sigh*

I give all of myself only to have it tossed away.

He didn't deserve me.

Am I Crazy??

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:20:10 GMT

A little over a week ago, my live in boyfriend broke up with me after 3 months of living together and 9 1/2 months of being together. We moved in together after almost 7 months of dating.

He told me that he needed his space and time to be alone, he didn't know if he was in love with me anymore and he didn't want to live a lie. He couldn't pinpoint things that were bothering him but he knew in his hearts of hearts that he needed this over with. I told him that I would be waiting for him and if he came to the decision that he didn't want to be with me at all, I would face that road and move on.

Here is where the question comes in.

He was on a business trip and broke up with me in an email. :| Now, I DO NOT accept how he did it and he already knows that I am very hurt by that but he did take responsibility on how he did it and he knows that he is a coward ... of course that still doesn't make it right.

Am I crazy for wanting to still be with this man?? We never fought about any thing, even living together, we had the normal arguments like everyone else, but nothing really big. It's only been a little over a week so I know that my heart is still in love with him.

I don't know what to do!